footch!

anak nman tlga ng malas! haay... "when it rains, it pours!" kya dapat tlga may payong ka.. wag ka na mnghinayang sa payong mo.. gamitin mo... ksi di nman yan display sa bag.. footch! footch! footch! (prang fudge! meaning sinasabi ko sya prang f*ck! hehe, ang arte noh? sosi... pra iba nman... pro pucha ung nauna kong blog e)

di ko pa nkkwento to sa inyo... wala kming TV... cguro repetitive story na to sa ibang nkwentuhn ko na! isang Linggo, biglang kumidlat ng malakas sabay kulog... tinamaan ung poste sa kanto kung saan nk-connect ung cable line at cguro ung bayantel line nmin... aun! tumawid ung nguumapaw na kuryente sa cable hanggan narating nya ang TV nmin... habang eto nman ako nanonood ng ASAP sabay, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! pumutok! isang tuldok ng puting ilaw ang nkitang ko pa sa TV nmin -- ---- --- natahimik ako. ----- ---- --- eto ako nilalapitan ung TV pra patayin, sa kalagitnaan ng paglalakad ko, bumalik ang kuryente at dun ko nkita.. sira na ata ung TV.... waaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!! di pwede to.. ito na lng ang kaligayahan ko pagdatin ko sa bahay.. ang makanood ng sandali sa TV, wag!!!!!! noooooh!!!!!!!!!

pro wala namn ngawa ung pgdedeny na un.. sira na tlga ung TV. ngaun, nconfirm na di na sya pwede ayusin... isang linggo na rin akong walang koneksyon sa pilipinas at sa mundo? ano na balita? fan ako ng news program(pwera biro) pasok pa rin ba si trillanes? e si honasan? ayoko sa mga un... no. 1 nga tlga si legarda? AM lng ang pinagttiyagaan ako.. foootch!!!

tpos ilang araw eto.... etong monitor nman... footch tlga! tignan nyo na lng ang kulay nya ngaun... nangyari na ba ito sa inyo? ung prang may hepa ung screen? nung na naddaan ko pa ung onting pg galaw nung kable nya sa likod pro ngaun hinde na tlga... sira din! nman! after ng TV, eto nman.... e di pa nga gawa ung TV e... ano pang pwede kong panoorin nyan? unfair na to! foootch!

-- kkreformat ko lng din ng latop ko sa ofis... at kulang sya ngaun sa RAM, footch!

-- sira ang fax machine din nmin sa bahay, kailangan ko na rin palitan dapat with ans machine na... pra sa biz. footch!

-- toxic sa ofis ngaun, may critical project akong kailangang matapos.. so, pahirapan ang pgising ksi di ko nman gustong hinde mk-attend ng dance classes ko (pro slowly ganun na ung nangyayari)... footch!

-- yang velocity na inaaral ko ngaun, leche ang hirap a! footch!

-- ang dami kong gastos.. wag ko na isama ung bora ko this coming june, sobrang kadepressan sa buhay nkpanic-shop ata ko nung isang linggo. abot ako 5k ata(maggamit ko naman tlga sila lht pro sna binudget ko pra di biglaan). footch!

-- gastos ulit, ung washing machine ni mimii.. kailangan na un. footch!

-- gusto ko ng laptop ko pra just in case naccra si pc, meron ako. footch! gastos!

-- tumatagal na ung nirerelax ko sa pag asikaso ng mga ids ko.. s.s.s, driver's, tin, etc. pauwi na si sir pano pa ko aabsent nyan? pano pa ung sked SL ko? footch!

-- sna ma-approve na ni sir ung leave, wag na sna nya pausod kht pa gastos nya... mukang sobrang stress na rin ako e. i need a break. footch!

-- nassira pa ata tong pc. footch tlga!

-- ppsabok pa ko sabado pra OT.. footch!
-- pano na lng ako? uuwi ka po ung laptop na yan? footch!

ano!?! may sasabay pa ba na problema dyan? footch ka rin! footch kyong lht.. wala rin kyong magawa e noh... (napipikon na tlga...)

whew! grabe!!!!

i can't seem to force myself to sleep... its already 1:10AM on my watch.. i thought i was sleepy a while ago... but no! im here blogging... why? why not? maybe i can think more clearly at this time... so, what am i doing here? what topic should i open?

grabe!!!!!!!!! ang init!!!!!!!!!! pucha na yan! punyemas! di ako mapakali... i dnt know if its just me... but aren't you feeling hot? global warming ba ito? o ngkkheat-stroke na ako?!! kadiri man sabihin but u know when they say: "im sweating like a pig" although i dnt really get the exact idea... maybe im there... close enough. pucha na yan! ayan tumutulo ang pawis ko... nararamdaman ko may isang butil ng pawis na tumatawid sa likod ko... eto bintilador... eto pa isa... focus ko na.. no. 2. pro prang mainit pa rin. naiirita ako.... sumasakit na ulo ko... gusto k ng matulog. maligo kaya ako?!! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! ang init!

mabuti pa ang palad ko di malagkit at di pinagpapawisan. bat kaya? bat nga kaya di pinagpapawisan ang palad ng tao? isama mo na ung talampakan... ang kj nman nila. habang nanlalagkit ang laht ng parte ng katawan mo... ang palad at talampakan mo ok pa rin.... gaya ngaun, ako lng ang gising. ako lng ba ang naiinitan? hinde ba mainit? sumagot ka! buti pa ung mga taong nkktulog sa init gaya ng kapatid ko.. ang layo na cguro ng panaginip nya ngaun... sana mkhabol ako... walang aircon di dahil walang pambili, walang pambayad nung kuryente pra sa aircon... aba! ang mahal nyan cgurado!

ang init tlga... di ata mkklipas ang isang minuto na hinde ko sya papansinin... ang init! ang init! mkpg-kape nga.. sabi ksi ng grade 4 teacher ko.. dpat hinde nilalabanan ang init dahil mas magiging doble ang init na nararamdaman mo... cguro nga.. ksi ngpilit ako mg-coke ngaung dinner... isang basong puno ng yelo at ang paboritong litro... huwaw! asa langit ako! eto ngaun, sinisilaban sa impyerno.... ang init! *#)(#!#$#!!@! ano ba?!!!!!!!!!! lam kong hinde nman lalamig sa ginagawa ko... pro di ko tlga mapigilan e... ako ung taong di kayang tiisin ang init... sorii ha! ngaun, pano ko tatapusin to?? e mukang hanggang mmya pa tong init na ito... pro ang haba na ng nagawa ko... at di pa rin lumalamig kht kaunti ang pkiramdam ko...

pucha tlga yan! ang init! naiinitan ka ba? .....pucha na yan!

pursuit of happyness

"dnt let anyone tell you, you cannot do something..... not even me...
if you gotta do something, just go!........."

"...are you happy? coz im happy. ---- and that's all there is to it.."

"this chapter is called big stupid...."

"look at them, they look happy... i'm wearing suits like them but i dnt look like that.........."

"tell me, what do you do? and how do you do it?"

"no, it is a time machine."

"sorry........."

"everything's gonna be ok"

"if u give me a question and i dnt know the answer, il tell you i dunno the answer... but i will find the answer... i will"

"..well, he must have really good pants...."

"possibly"

"i dnt need that many lines........"

"..i got to finish my work early.... i have to"

"........i'd like to think i'm smart"

"im broke!"

"i got hit by a car..."

"thank you... thank you"

"and this is what you call happyness........"

--- will smith

whew... definitely luvd the movie... man! i cnt believe he did it... u know, i was kinda hoping he won't make it... (coz movies are full of exag drama) but he did. makes me wnna cry but im so happy for him... imaginin mong tumalon ka sa saya... (wohoo! yeaaaaah! who's the man? i told you!) ur most fulfilling feeling..... and finally u got it... after all the hardwork.. the times u tell urself, i gotta be.. i know il be... i will be.. i can do this.... or sa in short pinoy version: "this is it!"

am askin myself now, can i do the same thing? i mean, i dnt mean if i can do all that.. i think i can but to stay cool about it, i dunno.... if they say im an optimistic person about lyf, he's way way up there than me! i admire him for that. coz, if im in his shoes... im gonna need to shout once in a while... getaway. act irrated. annoyed bout my lyf. look hopeless. (something like that! just to let it out!) or maybe when you have a kid ud be the same person, that different person who gotta think straight and stay focus.... yeah, maybe. il be.

nweiz, one thing i learned... we all got different pursuits in lyf.. different definition of happyness.
u just need to define one at a time and then go for it. dnt expect its gonna be easy coz lyf is not. dnt expect it to be sooner coz dreams are not made short. dnt expect it to be perfect coz u r not. dnt go blame other people coz its something that u want and not theirs. ........in that sense only ul fully define lyf then understand.... i already have one. like Will(feeling close), im struggling to get there... and tryin to not be supergirl and achieve all my pursuits all at the same time... am gonna tell y'all bout it when i get at least one.

so, go find your happy place.......... (wala lng)

untitled memories

i think my brain is sick ryt now... u ever felt that? u ever felt none of your feelings seems right? and dunno what to do anymore with it... just sucks.

remember i got r18 dreams with one of my friends... lately, i got another friend in my dream.. and whoa! we were HHWW... waahahahaha! waaaaaaa! di ko mapatawad ang sarili ko... no way, was i thinkin about that... the 1st guy... i understand.. this guy.. no.

i just can't seem to straighten things with these kind of matters.. there's something wrong with me.. yeah.. u know the line: "its not you, its me" yah... me. with these 2 guys.. and these new guy, who i think is missing or maybe avoiding me ryt now... no txt lately... not really expectin.. just missing the msgs, i guess. he txted one mornin: "sweet mornin" wow! cute noh? haha! anyways.. nothing serious with him. and im hanest. really.

...for the last days, im a bad person. iv been judging sm1 and i cnt help it. im seeing that sm1 differently and im mean about it. even shared it with some of my closer friends... bad ko! but really im trying to leave it.. itz not of my biz! not my biz! im wrong! tell me im wrong!

i hate these days being at the office. i dunno y.... dnt feel excited about it.. although i like being with my friends there.. i badly need a vacation and long long break away frm work. im gettin too exhausted with the things i do.. im hating it slowly... bliv me, that's not a good sign! can i not code for a while? i think i want to focus on design for a while. sigh.

times like these.. i need shopping.. i need to unwind... anywhere... anytime. anyhow. asked kaye to go out.. ate at cocorama! wohoo! check! too bad, no ok movie to watch. anyways, about shopping.... bought a few things.. hehe.. few?!! (went out today.. and chi-ching! chi-ching! one after chi-ching!) somebody stop me... slap me! hit me! before i ran out. ok, im gonna compute now before i regret this madness..