contemplation

Based from the dictionary.

1. Look at thoughtfully; observe deep in thought
2. Consider as a possibility
3. Think intently and at length, as for spiritual purposes
4. Think deeply about a subject or question over a period of time

im on that road again. after 8, possibly 9 months. here we go again. i always have this capability to put chaos in my head and complicate my life as if its not complicated enough. geez. i really think too much. i sometimes wish to turn my brain off for a while and only hear silence. c'mon tell me, what's wrong with me?

i, for a fact, am not trying to be a hero or somebody big in this lifetime but i would like to see myself try. i hope that simple picture in my mind to be real someday i believe that if it happens, it happens. all other things are bonuses, pieces to keep us entertain for a while.

maybe that's my problem. i want so many things to happen. maybe i challenge myself so often. maybe i dream a lot. maybe i look at life like a movie, good or bad but not real. maybe i expect a lot from myself or too little. maybe i over simplify things and become too confident. maybe im not a religious person not that i want to be and not that it's wrong or hate the idea. maybe i dnt learn from mistakes. maybe im bored. maybe i dnt want to "work work" because its too damn tiring. maybe i dnt know things or i know too much. maybe i feel incomplete. maybe im just not happy. maybe i love so much some people. maybe im jealous of other persons. maybe all i need is love. maybe this is just about a guy. or maybe about family. maybe i write too long and explain everything and not have the courage to say them. seize it. maybe im getting old for this shit. maybe, this is me.

so yes. i seriously need help with this one. please.


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