crossroads

I don't know what I am feeling right now but i thought maybe I try writing it up.
I'm really uninspired these days, like I'm tired of everything but I'm unsure.
I don't feel like going to work. I don't feel like finishing my on-going projects. I don't feel like talking to my team about next projects.
So, it seems that I'm not liking work right now.. Is it just my office?
Do I think, I wanna try moving to a new environment instead? or... do I stop?

On the other hand, I have this chance on a big opportunity coming up (actually tomorrow) that I am interested to pass.
I am suppose to review and prepare but then again. I'm feeling lazy and again, uninspired.
I'm not sure if its about worrying about the odds of me getting it or the scenario when I do get it.
I will go away for a while for this, maybe a year (if I can even last for a year)
I know me. I will miss my people but besides that me being emotional, everything seems to be ok. This is a big career step for me, that is a good thing.
But then as I am not sure about tomorrow, I could pretty much fail this chance.
In that event, what do I do then?
Do i try other opportunities like that elsewhere? or do I stop?

Another part of me wants to entertain that idea. Stopping.
Focus on what I really wanna do, something that I will be inspired with everyday.
Well in a perfect world, I can do that yesterday and nothing will be an issue.
But it is not a perfect world, I need to work. I need to earn.. to save to get to do what I want to do.
I have something now but i don't know how far will it get me... then again I may have friends who can help me with this. Planning will be tough.
Should I start this now? Is this the year? I actually thought I can make this my birthday gift.

I'm sorry, I still need to write more.
I also want to travel. Travel alone. Maybe more than a month this time.
Or I could go for Europe and try that. Or elsewhere on my list.
To get away from it all.

I know the mission is for us to always goal something in life but I'm really lost right now.
I don't know what to goal.

Ugh. I really don't know where my hearts at here.
It's like i know I'm ready to start a fresh chapter of my life but nothing is happening.
Nothing is happening because I'm being lazy or nothing is happening because nothing is happening.
I read something from a friends' instagram post. I won't get to the complete post but it tells you to "pray about everything". I know i haven't done that much lately but God knows me. I kinda think that I've always been self sufficient that I'm pretty tough, I can make it on my own. I can deal. I pray for others instead. (true story)
Well, a little help this time will be appreciated. Pls. God point me to a direction.
I need to go somewhere, can't stand in a middle of a crossroad. It's dangerous.