crossroads

I don't know what I am feeling right now but i thought maybe I try writing it up.
I'm really uninspired these days, like I'm tired of everything but I'm unsure.
I don't feel like going to work. I don't feel like finishing my on-going projects. I don't feel like talking to my team about next projects.
So, it seems that I'm not liking work right now.. Is it just my office?
Do I think, I wanna try moving to a new environment instead? or... do I stop?

On the other hand, I have this chance on a big opportunity coming up (actually tomorrow) that I am interested to pass.
I am suppose to review and prepare but then again. I'm feeling lazy and again, uninspired.
I'm not sure if its about worrying about the odds of me getting it or the scenario when I do get it.
I will go away for a while for this, maybe a year (if I can even last for a year)
I know me. I will miss my people but besides that me being emotional, everything seems to be ok. This is a big career step for me, that is a good thing.
But then as I am not sure about tomorrow, I could pretty much fail this chance.
In that event, what do I do then?
Do i try other opportunities like that elsewhere? or do I stop?

Another part of me wants to entertain that idea. Stopping.
Focus on what I really wanna do, something that I will be inspired with everyday.
Well in a perfect world, I can do that yesterday and nothing will be an issue.
But it is not a perfect world, I need to work. I need to earn.. to save to get to do what I want to do.
I have something now but i don't know how far will it get me... then again I may have friends who can help me with this. Planning will be tough.
Should I start this now? Is this the year? I actually thought I can make this my birthday gift.

I'm sorry, I still need to write more.
I also want to travel. Travel alone. Maybe more than a month this time.
Or I could go for Europe and try that. Or elsewhere on my list.
To get away from it all.

I know the mission is for us to always goal something in life but I'm really lost right now.
I don't know what to goal.

Ugh. I really don't know where my hearts at here.
It's like i know I'm ready to start a fresh chapter of my life but nothing is happening.
Nothing is happening because I'm being lazy or nothing is happening because nothing is happening.
I read something from a friends' instagram post. I won't get to the complete post but it tells you to "pray about everything". I know i haven't done that much lately but God knows me. I kinda think that I've always been self sufficient that I'm pretty tough, I can make it on my own. I can deal. I pray for others instead. (true story)
Well, a little help this time will be appreciated. Pls. God point me to a direction.
I need to go somewhere, can't stand in a middle of a crossroad. It's dangerous.


 

i try

Just a short segway..
"I could not be a woman who thinks something is happening but it is not happening..." - Susan Doyle (Scandal)

You're definitely right girl, we're too old for that shit.

Back to the topic..
This song was release 1999, well I was really young then to really understand the lyrics.
Yesterday, I came by this song and get to.. well.. feel the song.

"I Try"

Games, changes, and fears
When will they go from here?
When will they stop?
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe,
But we're not

I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm fiendin.

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free,
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave,
But my smiles are just a front, just a front

I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm fiendin

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch,
Your love kisses, and such
With all my might I try,
But this I can't deny, deny

I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm fiendin

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near 

no waiting

no, im not waiting on someone this time

which is definitely good for me

so, good job me!

there is no one for me to wait for

im not even waiting on myself

i already know how to get pass things better

so i could move on the next thing in my life

an issue comes in, i deal with it with maximum effort

plus an extra mile

then let go

finish or not finish

like the presidential debate on timer

im not waiting for answers when clearly there is none

no waiting on questions because we don't need to always know

stop waiting on challenges because sometimes i deserve a chillax day

i know it looks like im waiting for forever but that is not the case

maybe forever is not ready for me

so, yes. im not waiting. 

im ready for whatever..

im game!

bahai

baha'i how are you doing? 

so i discovered a new faith recently which is called baha'i (go! google it)

i must say, i get their teachings.

what they're doing is really humbling to the heart especially one guy called Justin Baldoni (the one from Jane the Virgin ---great show)

their faith gives me a nice sense of inspiration to find that there are people like them, who maybe not with you in the same faith but you will fully understand with no side debates. 

really amazing. 

channeling adele

yesterday, i just felt the need to cry and for some odd reasons....  i can't do it.
i wanted to but i can't. just cry. (sounds crazzzy i know)
i know it will make me feel better.
yes, i was sad about something or someone.
i thought about trying to find my cry movies but nothing high up the bar was on TV and i was too lazy to find it in my file. i tried youtube but can't seem to find the right video.
so, i turned to... adele.

oops.. before that, i had to google: saddest songs adele
there were a lot of results complete with videos, explanations, comments, lyrics.

i  agree and disagree on the people's choice from the internet
one of my friends' recommendation: "all i ask" is definitely a sad sad song. i know why she picked it.
for me, these 3 did the job: someone like you, chasing pavements, make you feel my love

guess, if you need to be sad. get it over with and be sad.
adele helps.

6 yrs and up

wow! 6 yrs. antagal na rin pala.

di naman ako ngbibilang pero itong si facebook panggulo lagi. haha.

like tapos comment naman ako.

gaya ng sabi ko.. cheers to 6 yrs!

naalala ko nasabi mo to minsan..

wala. walang mag ggoodbye..

kung ano man ang ibig sabihin mo nun,

hindi ko na aalamin

pero thank you! napangiti mo ko. :) 

single single

someone told me that.. im lucky. im single and im happy.

i smiled and said.. "ano?!" (haha)

well, im not sad. so yes. i'm happy.

but i can say that it is not because i'm single. 

everyone seems to be normal until you get to know them

i have my moments too where i feel lonely. when i miss having someone around. those days are happy too.

back to square 1

haha. ganyan ba sinusulat yun?

kahapon. umattend ako ng kiddie party. ansaya! shempre nagenjoy ako. kid ako eh. games, balloon show, magic show, bracelets, face paint, nail art,

photobooth, galing ng host, sarap ng food. nanalo ako ng 2 kitkat sa guess that song (madami pa sana kaya lng give chance to others) magaling ako dun eh. haha. 

anyway, kahapon din. sakto. kakadating lang namin. kita kami ulit.

tama! long time no see. 

kitakits ulit Sir!

otwolista

bagong lesson in life.. ayon kina clark and leah (actually sabi ng nanay ni leah)

"pag mahal ka, babalikan ka"

well, hindi naman sya bagong concept. pero mas gets mo lang cguro dito at mas cute. mas kilig. saya!

ay nako tong si clark. paano ka hindi gugustuhin ni leah? paano?!?!

leah, clark... wag na kyo magTNT (sabi nga ni clark, tago ng tago ng feelings)

ansaya kaya ng happy memories. can't wait for happy memory #5 and #6 and.. 

;)

playing it cool

im gonna do this once because maybe i just had to. 

ok, let's get this over with.

i really think Sir and i had that thing. that special thing where you say it's nothing but you can't explain it. so it's not nothing. and it's not ordinary. 

of coarse, i cannot guarantee his side

on this but all the things we shared says

otherwise. it felt otherwise. at the very least for me.

but then nothing concrete really happen. he disappeared. i was left. 

i can remember our momments. our conversations. momments that i feel strongly about that deserves a continuation of some sorts. i had a list of things i wanted us to do together. yeah, in a middle of the complicated situation i want to put him in, my only concern was a list. also, i made him a mixed tape. i really think he would like it. 

the list. the tape. he never got to see it. he never got to hear it. i always tend to think i didn't give him enough reason to choose in my favor. but then again, maybe he just really didn't want to. 

so, that's that.