a change of heart

i need to get back on that new year's resolution. damn it! and i mean now. ok, soon. no Reg... now.
and i have to be serious this time. (geez, serious.. that's hard!)
this has to stop.
i have to end this madness.
hallucination of sorts. i dunno. whatever.
i gotta start somehow.
looking at myself with no progress makes me such a "looser" (yaya).
ok. you can say it... "bullsh*t?! "
i know. i know. i may not be able to live up to it again. but...
i have to hope i can start something. anything. this time.
and i know too.. that this is fine. matters like this are those that we say: "let it be" but...
man! i don't think i should go any further.
yes, u heard me... should.
i can be logical now. il try to be logical.
im too far already. (i bumped my head really bad and now i feel that it hurts like there's no tomorrow)
and im already lost.
insane and lost.
i should have limits.
boundaries.
rules. (yah, i hate them all)
i should beat inevitable. it's not inevitable. it's not. not anymore. no such thing.
this is too complicated.
i can't even remember how i got here. ..........nah, i do. hehe.
well, i've gone for it.
don't think, just go. that's me.
push play.
i can't fight it.
but you know, it's ok to stop sometimes. for a while. take a breather. inhale. exhale.
and play another... meaning.... not the same. u know, different.
draw new lines. new beginnings.
gotta put that in my head.
abstinence.
oblivion.
exile.
obliterate.
in a more understandable term: gone.
i should start walking back that road again.
im far gone and wasting time. ....ok, not wasting.
fine! i was happy. i was. or i am. still. (even if that's entirely not possible)
b-coz.... it's unfair.....there. im admitting it.
i have to be right than right. God, let me choose right.
or il be a horrible person and a friend (duh?!... already there)
it's a long walk but hey, il get there.
all roads has 2 ends. iv gone the other way. so...
reversing the process shouldn't be a problem, ryt?! ryt! this is ryt!
who knows, maybe il get there sooner than i thought.

An epiphany(feeling) is the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something. The term is used in either a philosophical or literal sense to signify that the claimant has "found the last piece of the puzzle and now sees the whole picture," or has new information or experience, often insignificant by itself, that illuminates a deeper or numinous foundational frame of reference.



2009-Feb-02
02:17AM