kapit lang

dear universe

hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa araw na 'to. pero kanina ko pa gusto umiyak. feeling ko kailangan ko lang magbawas ng lungkot. ok naman ako. nakapagtrabaho naman ako. may ilang bagay lang akong tinatamad gawin pero in general tingin ko ok nman ako. distracted? oo. pero ok ako.

inamats ko kanina yung mga kanta sa isang palabas na pinapanuod ko. gusto ko talagang umiyak. hinanap ko yung mga kanta kahit na luma na tumatagos talaga pero wala. merong muntik na pero hindi tumuloy. runner-up. play ko on-repeat.

naligo. nagkape. binalikan ko ung mga paboritong kong "iyakan pelikula" pero ayaw. walang luha. hanggang sa naalala ko ung isa sa mga recent na pinanuod namin. magaling akong mgresearch kaya tada! nakita ko and tama ako. ito na yun. 10 mins na iyakan.

(sa upuan)

J:  Salamat!
C: Para sa?
J:  Alam mo yung ano? Yung pakiramamdam na tingin ka lang sa kawalan. Pero hindi mo alam yung dapat mong maramdaman? Hinahanap mo dun yung damdamin. Kasi alam mo na pag nahanap mo na yun. Dun manggaling lahat. Lahat ng kaya mong gawin. Lahat ng imposible magiging posible. Dumating ka Celeste. Salamat!
C: Saan nga?
J:  Kasi andito ka.
C: Tsk. Pina-iyak mo ko eh. Bakit ako umiiyak? Bat ako umiiyak? Sabi inom tayo eh. Bakit mo ko pina-iyak? I think we're drunk.

(sa kotse)

J: Alam mo pag matanda na ko. Yung uugod-ugod na. Tapos sana di pa ulyanin. Itong gabing to yung babalik-balikan ko. Tapos iisipin ko lang na.. Bakit kaya hindi kita, Bakit hindi kita nahalikan?
C: Gusto mo pa ko halikan? Nainlove ka na ba? Yung true love ha. Yung tipong hindi mo alam ung gagawin mo. Hindi mo alam kung ano yung nararamdaman mo. Tapos hindi ka makahinga, pag naiisip mo ung tao, babagsak yung tyan mo. Alam mo yun?
C: Tapos hindi mo alam kung anong kaya mong gawin kasi natatakot ka eh. Pero at the same time gusto mo gawin lahat. Kasi nga inlove ka. Naramdaman mo no ba yun? Ako ah gusto ko sana.. sa lifetime ko. Gusto ko mainlove ng ganun.

(huminto)
:-*
C: Sobrang perfect naman tong moment na to! Wag natin sirain to. Celeste and Jesse forever and ever. Taxi!

andaming dahilan bakit nakakaiyak tong eksena na to para skin. andami. nakaka-asar! may ilang eksena pa na susunod pero di gaya nito.

habang umiiyak ako. may nagtext. yung kaibigan ko, may good news sya sa buhay nya. di ko muna sya nireplyan kasi asa moment ako pero masaya nman ako para sa kanya. masaya nman ako lagi para sa mga kaibigan ko sa ganap ng buhay nila or actually kahit sa kanino na nakikita ko na nagiging masaya. yung mga talent show na nabibigyan ng golden buzzer, naiiyak ako dun. minsan alam mo na yun yung kailangan nila eh. yung moment na yun, kaya pag nakita mo na nakuha nila.. yung saya nagiging nakakaiyak. di ka makapaniwala. di mo mapaliwanag yung nararamdaman mong saya.. at alam mo sa moment na yun, wala ka ng hinahanap pa.

si Celeste and Jesse, walang happy ending. di ko gusto maging mag-isa sa nararating ko. hindi rin naman ako ngrereklamo. tao lang din, mas gusto ko ng may kasama, kung meron.

anyway... sabi ng text ng kaibigan ko: Reg, kapit lang.
sabi ko: Kelan tayo mag cecelebrate?

dear aya

Hello! Gusto ko lang sabihin sayo na ang galing mo! Alam mo tama ka.. minsan ang hirap mahalin lahat ng taong dapat mo mahalin. Magulang mo, kapatid mo, pamilya mo, mga kaibigan mo.. minsan nakakapagod. May trabaho ka pa.. wala na halos natitira sayo. Nakakapagod na minsan ang dali mo lang maiyak. Pero kakayanin mo.. kahit mag-isa ka. Game! 

Idol din kita eh.. parehas tyo. Parehas natin minahal yung taong sabi natin di natin mamahalin... pero sabi mo nga.. malaki na tyo alam na natin yung ginagawa natin kaya... sige okay lang. gaya ko... nasaktan ka. Ikaw, umalis. Ako, steady lang. umiwas. Ang tapang mo nung nagkita kayo ulit ni Sid. Maswerte ka nga inayos nya yung buhay nya, natagalan pero hinanap ka nya. At least.. nalaman mo. At least.. napasaya ka nya ulit. At least mahal ka din pala nya. 

Siguro dun tayo nagkaiba.. hindi ko nalaman kung ano kami. hindi ko nalaman kung anong naramdaman nya. hindi ko nalaman kung masaya ba sya pag magkausap kami. Siguro kasi hindi ko tlga tinanong or kasi inassume ko yung sagot. Kala ko enough ako para one day baka marealize nya ako yung kailangan nya. Tumaya ako. Tumaya tayo. Mas malaking taya yun kung hindi love.. d ba sabi mo? pero hindi eh... hindi si Sid si Christian. Natalo ko. 

Nakakabilib ka nung andyan na sya pero pinili mo pa rin yung iba mga taong dapat mong mahalin. Hindi ko alam kung anong iniisip mo nun.. tingin ko, hindi ko kaya yun. Feeling ko.. kung ako yun... deserve ko naman siguro maging masaya. Ako naman universe. Para skin naman. K! Thanks! Bye! Alam mo kasi Aya.. asa pelikula ka kasi. kahit pano binigyan ka pa rin ng happy ending ni direk. 

Sa totoong buhay.... kung ano mang pagkakataon na meron ka para sumaya.. sasamantalahin ko. kahit sandali lang. kahit saglit lang. Yun ang pagtaya sa love, kahit talo ka. Tataya ka. 

what do we do

G: so.. what do we do now that we've done the things we spent our entire life doing?
B: i guess, we do the next thing we'll spend our entire lifetime.

it is the ultimate question, isn't it?
what do we do?
what is the next thing?
because we gotta believe there's gotta be.

we gotta believe. just like the song. haha.
onward and upward.

gun fight

i don't know what i'm doing
i'm staring at this screen for a long time now
i'm trying to pour my thoughts so i can get over it
throw some feelings.. para maubos
yesterday, i didn't do anything
and the days before that
and i'm feeling.. also today and the next days
not that i don't have anything to do
i just don't get the sense that i need to
why? why bother?
i did make time for Mr. O'brien
he makes me happy since ever
i'm not liking my teammates these days
i want this project over
i'm starting a new one soon
that would require discipline and a constant routine
i know it's helpful for me
but...
really...
why? why do this again?
i'm tired playing the part
i feel that i've worked hard enough to change it or not change it a few times
but it feels like it wasn't up to me or it was never up to me
looking back, don't i deserve a little saving and happiness, something new?
i'm not sure how to explain that further
so dear somebody, tell me what to do.
i'm in gun fight and i'm all out.

donna vs paula

donna is someone he calls when he needs someone
someone he makes interesting conversation with
someone who inspires him he can make it
someone who know puts him first, no matter what

paula is someone who seems right for him
she loves him, he looks like he loves her
she's good with his family, good with his friends
she's loving and dedicated

so.. 
i don't know who will win.
i don't know who i'd rather wanna be in.

but..
i know who i was in.
i know who already won.

meet me in st. gallen

gusto ko din pumunta sa Christmas Village :)

naalala kita dun sir. at least ngayon na lng ulit. good job me!
feeling ko, medyo storya din natin yun.
hindi nga lang eksakto.
kung free ka, panoorin mo.

bakit nga ba minsan may mameet kang tao na di mo tlga matanggal sa isip mo
pwedeng di mo lng sya naaalala kasing dalas
pero isang araw magkikita or maiisip mo sya then masasagot mo yung tanong mo
sabi nga sa pelikula, nilagay mo kasi sya sa pedestal
ung araw na magkasama kayo
ung mga pinagusapan nyo di mo makalimutan
ung larawan na masaya ka dahil sa kanya
kaya kahit mas madalas na wala sya
hindi nagmamatter
walang katumbas
kasi mahal mo sya
kasi mahal kita

pero gaya ng pelikula, yun lang ang binigay satin ni universe
yung mga ilang moments
yung mga ilang araw
yung mga ilang usapan

alam ko nman yun
pero nakakaiyak pa rin pala balikan

kaya ko to! :)

effort vs passion

Lately, i've been watching a lot of shark tank and become very interested about the sharks.
my favorite shark is Robert Herjavec. I think he's kind and reasonable. i'd like to read his book one day. i like his story, i like how he started. very inspiring.

Then there's the billionaire guy, Mark Cuban on some instances and this post is something about what he said. He said that "one of the greatest lies of life is to follow your passion." ..."in order to be the best, you have to put in effort. so don't follow your passions, follow your effort"

Something in that line is wrong for me, but i get what he's saying. He wants us to realize that if we watch the time and effort we put into something, we become good at it. No one will quit something that we're good at.

My problem with that is.. i think effort and passion go together. I think without effort, you will not have a passion and without passion, you won't exert effort. How do you tell yourself to start an effort on anything? Finding something you're good at or willing yourself to be good at something comes from a certain passion in you. isn't it? So.. you won't really have effort alone or passion alone. Maybe for some, effort came in first or they just don't realize the passion. In the end, you have both, whether you've force it or not.

For me, you won't be able to sustain effort alone even if you're the best at it. Effort does not make you get up in the morning. Knowing your the best at something won't make you get out of bed and look forward for tomorrow. To me.. if i had to choose. I'd choose to follow my passion because it makes me want to put in the effort.

Which one do you follow?

A million dreams

A Million Dreams

I close my eyes and I can see
The world that's waiting up for me
That I call my own
Through the dark, through the door
Through where no one's been before
But it feels like home

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy
They can say, they can say I've lost my mind
I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy
We can live in a world that we design

'Cause every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take

A million dreams for the world we're gonna make
There's a house we can build
Every room inside is filled
With things from far away
The special things I compile
Each one there to make you smile
On a rainy day

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy
They can say, they can say we've lost our minds
I don't care, I don't care if they call us crazy
Run away to a world that we design

Every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make

However big, however small
Let me be part of it all
Share your dreams with me
You may be right, you may be wrong
But say that you'll bring me along
To the world you see
To the world I close my eyes to see
I close my eyes to see

Every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
A million dreams, a million dreams
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make

For the world we're gonna make

Ano kaya?

Minsan andaming tanong
Minsan puro tanong na lang
Walang nasasagot
Hindi mo alam kung ikaw ba sasagot or may ibang sasagot
Hindi mo din alam kelan masasagot
Hinahanap mo naman ung sagot pero ayaw ipakita syo 
Itanong mo na lang sa hangin levels
Ibulong mo sa pader feels
Sana alam mong nakikinig ung pader
Sana icheer ka nman ni universe
Iiisipin mo na may lesson to be learn dito... somewhere
Pero shempre hindi mo pa alam
Hindi natin alam kung malalaman mo nga
Hmmm.. Patience?
Trust?
Buti pa ung mystery rooms may time limit or pwede ka humingi ng clue
Dito wala
May forever
Bukas gigising ako..
Andito pa rin..
Nag-iisip..
Ano kaya?

Papa

Hi Papa,

I know I don't talk to you as much. I know. I'm sorry.
And i always say this,  I know you know that I am very independent sometimes.
It's not that I don't need you.
It's just that you can help someone else. I know they need you more.
I'll be okay.
Plus, i always have trusted your plans.
And I'm just waiting here to discover them and learn from them.
Live it.
I was taught not to question them too and I don't. Really.
Because that's what trust is.
So, i just wanted to you to know that.
(maybe you already know)
That i still do.
Just in case, there can be times that it may say otherwise.
I'm just here.

Always, thanks for everything.
Reg