im drunk, i love you

maganda! magaling! makatotohanan!

siguro madaming Carson sa atin, madaming makakarelate

and siguro meron din mga Dio, bka nga bestfriend mo din

madaming feelings tlga na nakatago sa friendship. masaya na kasama mo lagi ung taong mahal mo pero mahirap din kung magkaiba kayo ng definition nun.

best lines para sakin:

Dio: "ang hirap tlga hindian ung taong minahal mo ng sobra. alam mo un. ung walang wala ka na, pero pag nandyan sya kahit may onting natitira syo.. hindi mo magawa eh. di mo mahindian."

this is not on me

there are days that you just can look at yourself and tell yourself
look at you...
you stand here alone
you have given yourself more than you could
you have given others more than you could
but still..
here you are
you stand alone
after all these years
why is this universe so mean to you?
why can this universe make you happy?
for how long will you take this?
but i guess it is really not up to you
it's not your fault
this is not on you

a series of unfortunate events

last night and this morning, i confirmed something i don't understand.

how it happened? how it began?

but honestly i don't care how

i just wanted to know why?!?

why?!? 

why do people hurt the ones they love?

why of all the people that you know

those the ones closest to you will be the one to do the major lies

or betray you

why do they do that?

i think the reason is easier for lovers, they aren't happy anymore. it is hard, i know that. but i'll get that and i'll take that reason.

but what if it's family?

what could possibly be a valid reason that earned their right to ignore your

significance?
that you needed them

maybe they thought you won't mind, right?
that whatever happens you'll forgive

then when you correct them, they'll just tell you, you're being righteous

then if you speak your heart, they'll just tell you... you're full of drama

well... nevermind how you feel

everybody changes sh*t!!! 

whatever it is, you don't do that to family.

and what if it's one of your best friends?

now, you need to question that friendship and review yourself.. 

all the things you shared and did

together

why would someone not consider all that?

i need to find the whys...

i need to understand.

the lucky ones

some people have to choose between choice A or B

lucky are those who have this privilege

some people find this hard

some people just give up

some people just wanted to have the chance to choose 

some people just wanted to have someone to bring them coffee when they want to

infinite crisis

lately when i wake up

get out of bed

take my breakfast 

nothing really comes to mind

what to do today

where to go

who to be

like i don't want to be me

i use to have a reason

all people have a why

but i think im missing mine

ultimate bucket list

if tomorrow even by a miracle i become a mother.
i will be really happy. happiest maybe.
i know its crazy but i always have that feeling in me.
so, i don't get why some chooses not to be one.
sometimes for some people, not ever. how can they even say that?
i will never understand
i have this inner confidence that i can do it
you may not believe me but you're not me
its like a voice telling me that i can
i do feel that i will be good at it
i don't even think that it will be hard
even i know it is
im not scared
but im excited for everyday
i also know that it is life changing
but that is a change that i'll be more than happy to go through
more than once, for sure
it will be my ultimate bucket list

ok, i know its cheesy.. but twins would be best. haha.

of coarse.. a husband and a wedding would also be nice.

must be love on the brain

I came to know this song pretty late in the game, heard in from the radio today.
Such a beautiful song, full of emotions.
Speaks to your feelings. Best for those unexplainable ones.
Love is supposedly just what your heart wants but sometimes its more than that...
must be Love on the Brain
To the one that got away... sir, this is for you (haha)

Love on the Brain

And you got me like oh
What you want from me?
What you want from me?
And I tried to buy your pretty heart, but the price too high
Baby you got me like oh, mm
You love when I fall apart (fall apart)
So you can put me together
And throw me against the wall

Baby you got me like ah, woo, ah
Don't you stop loving me (loving me)
Don't quit loving me (loving me)
Just start loving me (loving me), babe

Oh, and babe I'm fist fighting with fire
Just to get close to you
Can we burn something babe?
And I run for miles just to get a taste
Must be love on the brain
That's got me feeling this way
It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain, yeah
And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name)
No matter what I do
I'm no good without you
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain

Then you keep loving me
Just love me, yeah
Just love me
All you need to do is love me yeah
Got me like ah-ah-ah-ow
I'm tired of being played like a violin
What do I gotta do to get in your motherfuckin' heart?

Baby like ah, woo, ah
Don't you stop loving me (loving me)
Don't quit loving me (loving me)
Just start loving me (loving me), babe

Oh, and babe I'm fist fighting with fire
Just to get close to you
Can we burn something babe?
And I run for miles just to get a taste
Must be love on the brain
That's got me feeling this way
It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain
And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name)
No matter what I do
I'm no good without you
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain

dear rosie

i envy you

im sorry. 

i actually already know about your story but i wanted to be reminded of it today

it's beautiful

il try not to cry this time

you are lucky to not be alone

to have a friend like alex

who is loyal and have always been there for you

someone who left but didn't really left

someone who you made dreams together

shared meaningful conversations with

you don't meet someone like that everyday

i know your dreams didn't came as plan because you became pregnant all of a sudden

with no husband

and you're bestfriend far away when you needed him

but the highlight is you became a mother 

what a joy! i dream to be one too

although your friendship have had its major challenges it turned out for the best. even if it took years for things to align, you did ended up together. maybe that's fate and you are blessed to experienced it.

you inspire me rosie.

thank you!

favorite take-away:

if you reject her now, she will

make it her life's mission to meet the perfect someone just to try and get over you and marry him. she'll tell herself she's happy but he won't be you. 

i will never know

1:43AM just finished watching Me Before You. You know it, i cried.

Anyway, so from grade school I always have this plan in my head for the events that's gonna happen in my life. school-work-wedding-family-business etc.

Of course, life is life and i can't really direct everything that's gonna happen. Although its nice to know something sometimes, to see a plan.

Some i did do, some were late, some i didn't do, some are not even close.

I'm not usually bothered by this but im getting the feeling that i need something big to change my life now and actually i don't know how to do it or if its even in my hands. 

Like what i always say, im used to doing things on my own.. i can do it all! (there are times, that i may need a push but i can cheer myself if need be)

Honestly, i think im doing a pretty good job at it. really good maybe.

So, i don't know if universe or God will still decide one day to give me someone to do things with. 

Maybe there is a lesson here i've yet to learn or there is still something that i need to prove to the universe or maybe this is punishment for my wrong doings.. i don't know.

If someone will come, then il meet him.

If there's none, then there's nothing new.

This particular plan, i will never know... 

I don't want to get my hopes up. 

with a little help of my friend

Today, i breakdown.
Tears came fallin.
I know I can't last in the crossroad. I can't stay lost.
I had to tell one of my besties my thoughts
She was actually busy today but because she said: 

"Magkwento ka lang dyan. Magrereact naman ako. I can do it all."
We talked. 
She told me that its a nice thing that i have options
She wanted me to be brave to not be scared and not to worry
Put my best effort and take all the choices i got
That I am lucky to have choices
She'll support whatever it is that i want to do
And most importantly she believed i can do it
I knew she's gonna say that
but it is really better to hear it

Ang exact words nya ay:

"You have options. Di ka pa lang ready alamin kung ano talaga gusto mo. :-)"

In a way, she helped me get to a decision and eliminate some of the roads
She got me to a first step that lead me to the second step.

"You need a distraction na may end goal."

She gave me one. She supported one of the roads.

I felt better. A lot better.

Again, thank you Clarissa!