forfeit the game

everyday, we live and learned that we play a different game with fate. sometimes we win, sometimes we loose and then sometimes we don't know the score... which makes the game fun and exciting and hard and challenging -- addictive! (music score cue: cnt fight this feeling anymore.. wahaha!) something to look forward everyday when you wake up and live your day. i know everyone loves to win and everyone wants to try. everyone wants to play the game. every chance, every moment that we can grab that window of opportunity -- we take it. we were thought to not get tired, not stop and never give up. i know that's right and im not gonna argue. but why? why do we play? (tell me, what is my problem?!!! wahahaha) Ü

i am still trying to understand and putting logic to something not understandable and logical solely to the human brain and i have to say im insane for doing this. for even trying. actually, im laughing at myself right now. haha! im slowly loosing track of the point(if there is) that im trying to make. but dont fret, im not stopping. (haha!) i have to get over this, i have to write. by the way, no! im not drunk. im perfectly sober and normal. the last time i drink was a little over 24hrs ago. just two(2) beers, light. (see?!! not drunk!)

so nweiz, why?! i ask this because i nid to ask. i nid to tell and constantly remind myself of a gud reason why should i continue playin this game of fate. why am i here again... i know im the paranoid, worrier and scared person you all know which makes this hard. plus i am the cheezy, corny, confused and complicated person in this topic which makes it even harder. and "no one" even knows what i am disturbing myself about... wink* wink* told you, can't get it over with.... hahahaha! like always, i bring chaos to my head for fun. (c'mon! what's wrong with me?!!) Ü

moving on... the real point is i "THINK" i want to forfeit the game. i dnt wnna play. i wanna forget that there is a game. i shouldn't played in the first place but i didn't stop myself for crossing the line that is not to be cross YET.(hihi) i was well aware of the penalties, i even heard the referee called it. its hard playing alone. its not healthy. "its complicated" or should i say too complicated... haha! and its not fair. il get tired and exhaust myself, il waste everything and that's not good and i dnt want that. i should'nt be thinkin about this and i should'nt be writing but here i am.. so clearly, i did it again. i just wrote about my experience of beating the red light and not taking the front seat but then again! (kulit reg!) they always told me im a hard-headed person and once again i prove them right(well, just so u know... i really tried! but there are some things i cannot stop. oo, adik!) i thought "striking while the iron was still hot" was a good idea, it wasn't. at least that's what i think. either i am totally right or wrong about all this, who cares?!! its just a matter of what?! days; hours; minutes; hope not seconds that i would be writing yet another post like this..... (pls ignore me!)

i enjoyed playin, got excited in crossing the line. too much for reality i have to wake. dnt get me wrong, im not quitting this fate game. im not a looser. im not a quitter. all im sayin is im not playin... for now... il wait when the game is really on. and i hope to win it... meanwhile, il take the bench. il enjoy the beach. wear my shades. il even get a tan!