answers to your questions

first off, i posted my old draft posts because i realized they were good and why not publish.
moving on..
as i get older, these questions are just on repeat. i hope people can realize its not really easy to answer them... but fine i will answer them now for the first and last time.

When are you getting married?
I'd love to do that, i think i had homework plans since 3rd hs so trust me, all good on my side.
All that is left... I need a fiance.
Are you in a relationship? No.
What is happening? Your dad has been waiting.. (famous line from an Aunt)
Life is happening and I wish I have control over this relationship topic for the most parts but I don't.
It's two consenting adults and I'm one of two. Sometimes you just can't get what you want.
I have to stop thinking about what could have I done better.
So...
So what.. I can't make anything happen on my own and I think I tried a lot of options already. Even the hopeless ones. Universe is not saying yes. Things are not falling into place. Stars are not aligning.
Do you not want a family? You're getting older.
I wanted to be a mom earlier than I wanted a wedding. When I saw the movie backup plan.. gave me more validation that I can be a mom first. Lately, I've been thinking about that a lot, on and off for the past year. God knows I'm really good at research and I did quite a few already.

But.. the mechanics of it all is not all that is needed. I have to figure out, how to explain to my child where his/her daddy is.. (already have ideas) I question myself, do i want to do this alone? I mean, of coarse there would be family and friends to help but this is my own family and it might be just me and the kid (or kids if I'm lucky) forever.. I still want a husband and a father for my kids. And it's not fear or stress that is keeping me or that ideal family setup that is putting doubts in my head in doing it alone, it's really bigger than that. I can definitely do this by myself since yesterday but there's already a lot that I did on my own and I still like to believe that this is not one of them.  (but ask me again next year.. or the year after that)
Are you even taking good care of yourself? You should always be presentable. You can't grow old single.. what would happen to our family?
Yes, though its a struggle to focus on yourself because I kinda don’t know how to... I've always been good taking care of others. So, it's an everyday process. 
I don't want to grow old single and you have to believe me on that. (it makes me cry sometimes)
I think so far, I've been doing a good job with the family. I'd love to check all your boxes but maybe you all just have to wait some more like I do.