run away

walking in the sand

water on my feet

waiting for sunset

sitting next to each other

exploring these streets

following the lights

making up stories

listening to your voice

watching you eat

looking at a sea of clouds

enjoying the silence up above

cozing it up and coffee

talking about the future

staring at your smile

what an escape...

i will run away with you. 

sana may dumating

Siguro mas madali kung ang kwento ng lablyf ko ay maging pelikula na lng.
Kahit indie. Kahit di masyado kilala yung artista.
Para maintindihan nyo. Mas madali kesa iexplain ko.
May malapit pero hindi sakto. Malay nyo... sumikat. anyway...

Itong Valentines, inisip ko bakit nga ba ako mag-isa sa araw na to?
Hindi ko alam ang sagot.
Dahil ba.. msayado akong nagttrabaho?
Dahil ba.. hindi ako ngpopost sa instagram or fb?
Dahil ba.. dapat nag-ggym din ako?
Dahil ba.. hindi lang tlga ko maganda? or di man lng ba ko cute?
Dahil ba.. gusto ko lng ng simpleng bagay? dahil ba mababaw lng ako?
Dahil ba.. minsan madali akong magalit?
Dahil ba.. may lakad lahat ng mga kaibigan ko?
Dahil ba.. hindi nman tlga kmi ngcecelebrate ng valentines day pero minsan
gusto ko din. 

Andami. Adami kong pwedeng sabihin. Hindi ko nman malalaman ang tunay na
sagot. Kung pwede mo lng kausapin si Universe, si God or kung sino man
para mabigyan ako ng onting direksyon. Makakatulong sana.

I know. I don't have to depend on someone for my happiness pero
minsan kailangan ko din.

Minsan gusto ko din kiligin.
Minsan gusto ko din may magtimpla ng kape ko.
Minsan gusto ko din ipag-drive ako, sunduin ako or ihatid.
Kamusta ba ko?
I-cheer ako sa umaga.
Tanungin yung opinyon ko, kahit di nya gawin.

And... one day..
Yayain ako magpakasal
and maging tatay ng aming mga anak..
Gusto ko maging nanay. Kung pwede nga bukas na or ngaun.

Whoa! Big words.
Big responsibilities.
Yep. Yun. Yun ang gusto ko.
Hindi ko alam if possible pa un.

Asa point ako ng buhay ko na gusto ko sabihin na..
Kaya ko to mag-isa. Ako na lng.
Pero pag naisip ko na mag-isa na lng ako.. 
Hindi rin naman ako masaya.

Nasira na ata tlga ako ng tuluyan.
Hindi nman ako ganito dati.
Usually alam kong gagawin.
Pero lately, hindi ko tlga alam.
Nahihirapan ako intindihin bakit ganito.
Bakit ako andito..

Sana may dumating.

answers to your questions

first off, i posted my old draft posts because i realized they were good and why not publish.
moving on..
as i get older, these questions are just on repeat. i hope people can realize its not really easy to answer them... but fine i will answer them now for the first and last time.

When are you getting married?
I'd love to do that, i think i had homework plans since 3rd hs so trust me, all good on my side.
All that is left... I need a fiance.
Are you in a relationship? No.
What is happening? Your dad has been waiting.. (famous line from an Aunt)
Life is happening and I wish I have control over this relationship topic for the most parts but I don't.
It's two consenting adults and I'm one of two. Sometimes you just can't get what you want.
I have to stop thinking about what could have I done better.
So...
So what.. I can't make anything happen on my own and I think I tried a lot of options already. Even the hopeless ones. Universe is not saying yes. Things are not falling into place. Stars are not aligning.
Do you not want a family? You're getting older.
I wanted to be a mom earlier than I wanted a wedding. When I saw the movie backup plan.. gave me more validation that I can be a mom first. Lately, I've been thinking about that a lot, on and off for the past year. God knows I'm really good at research and I did quite a few already.

But.. the mechanics of it all is not all that is needed. I have to figure out, how to explain to my child where his/her daddy is.. (already have ideas) I question myself, do i want to do this alone? I mean, of coarse there would be family and friends to help but this is my own family and it might be just me and the kid (or kids if I'm lucky) forever.. I still want a husband and a father for my kids. And it's not fear or stress that is keeping me or that ideal family setup that is putting doubts in my head in doing it alone, it's really bigger than that. I can definitely do this by myself since yesterday but there's already a lot that I did on my own and I still like to believe that this is not one of them.  (but ask me again next year.. or the year after that)
Are you even taking good care of yourself? You should always be presentable. You can't grow old single.. what would happen to our family?
Yes, though its a struggle to focus on yourself because I kinda don’t know how to... I've always been good taking care of others. So, it's an everyday process. 
I don't want to grow old single and you have to believe me on that. (it makes me cry sometimes)
I think so far, I've been doing a good job with the family. I'd love to check all your boxes but maybe you all just have to wait some more like I do. 

2011: Slam

“Love doesn’t happen in an instant. It creeps up on you and then it turns your life upside down. It colors your waking moments and fills your dreams. You begin to walk on air and see life in brilliant new shades. But it also brings with it a sweet agony, a delicious torture.”

—	Slumdog Millionaire

(a bit of a narcissist at the end but got me grinning when you think about it. so true.)

2012: shiver

Made a mistake to look into your direction
shiver.
Avoiding
Imagining
Forgetting
Being caught
shiver.
Walking
Eating
Laughing
Talking
shiver.
Writing
Watching
Listening
shiver.

2011: Happiness for Dummies

Happiness Engineering
Mar 17, 2011 | General Nonsense | Permalink

It occurred to me recently that I have developed quite a few tricks for engineering my own happiness. Allow me to share a few. Some are more obvious than others.

Food - Observe your own mood, and that of others, in the context of how recently they have eaten. If there's a hothead in your circle, notice that his anger is greatest before meals, when hunger is highest, and rarely does he explode during meals or just after. When you feel agitated, try eating some carbs. They're like a miracle drug. I suspect that anger is evolution's way of telling you to go kill something so you can eat.

Exercise - When I've exercised in the past day, almost nothing bothers me. And I sleep like a pile of moss. If you think of exercise in its usual way, as one component of health, or as a way to lose weight, it's easy to skip your hour at the gym. If you think of it as the difference between a good day and a bad day, it's easier to make it a priority.

Goals - I make it a habit to have at least one project brewing at all times that has a non-zero chance of changing the planet, or making a billion dollars, or both. Creating Dilbert was just one out of several dozen projects of that nature. As I write this, I have plans for Dilbert.com that would uncap its potential while helping a number of other people at the same time. That's a good feeling to wake up to. I've also contracted with an Indian company to turn one of my ideas into a website prototype that could change the nature of advertising. Or not. Probably not. The point is that it feels good to know it's there. When that project doesn't work, I'll put another dream into the slot. (I don't put much time or money into the long shots.)

Meaning - If you're young and you haven't yet achieved some level of success by your own standards, by all means make yourself your own first priority. You can't help others until you first help yourself. If you reach a more comfortable level, you'll find you need to be useful to others in order to find meaning and feel right in your own skin. That doesn't mean giving everything away. It's okay to pick your spots. You don't need to suffer in the process.

Positivity - The self-help gurus will tell you it's important to have an ongoing positive dialog with yourself. Lots of books have been written on this topic. All I will add is that you might be completely unaware of how negative you are. Many people make the mistake of incorporating negativity in their humor and thinking the outcome is a net positive. That takes the form of reflexively commenting on what's wrong with, well, everything. I used to be that guy. It was a habit I picked up from my mother. I thought I was being funny. An ex did me the favor of pointing out that I was actually just being an asshole. All the time.

Luckily, this is one of the easiest habits you can ever break. Now I make it a practice to think or say something positive immediately after I let slip a negative comment. Saying positive things puts your mind into a positive state. And when you become that guy, you attract positive relationships and positive outcomes.

A Little Bit of Danger - I don't recommend taking physical risks. But you'll feel more alive if you make it a habit to try new things, even if those things scare you a bit. I'm talking about small risks, such as signing up for an activity you know you will be bad at, or joining Toastmasters International (to give speeches), or sampling the unknown in some other way.

Learn - Feed your brain. The more active your brain is, the more alive you will feel. As a bonus, learning new things can be just the distraction you need to keep your mind from focusing on whatever else in your life is bugging you.

Feel Success - Make it a habit to often do things you do well. It doesn't matter if your best skill is golf or cooking or business or being a parent. Doing one thing well gives your ego some armor to handle all of the little things that don't go quite so well during the week.

Relationships - It's hard to be happy if you don't have whatever sorts of relationships in your life that work for you. The only advice I have in this area is that following the other tips for happiness will allow you to attract the sort of relationships you want.

That's a starter list for happiness. I don't think it contains any surprises. But sometimes it's nice to remind yourself that your happiness can be engineered, and that luck is a product of good design.

2008: singing my heart out

once upon a time, i created this cd. it's a compilation of sorts for someone we shall not name. from the cd, there exist a song. a phrase in the song reminded me of the this certain cd. i've forgotten how much i like it.. been singing it the whole night... or should i say mornin... haha!

...It doesn't take a genius
To read between the lines
And it's not just wishful thinking
Or only me who's dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love......

this incedent compelled me to think of old songs i like... so i tried to concentrate on my ipod. (u know i got them all mixed up in here) ok, ok, il fix my playlist soon.

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm callin your name
But I can't take the distance
--The Distance, Evan and Jaron

Why does Monday, come before Tuesday
Why do summers start in June
Why do winters come too soon
Why do people fall in love
When they're always breaking up, oh why
Why do we love if love will die
--Why, Michael Jackson & 3T

You took me right out of the blue
Simply by showing that you love me too
Only by giving me your everything
With a love so true you took me out of the blue
--Out Of The Blue, MLTR

these are a few...... hehe.

2009: New Year

as i start the year right this first day. i look back on the year that ended...

remnants of last year...
(from my phone notes and blog drafts)
- Fone Note: Zda142
looks like a password, san kaya? =p
- Fone Note: oo na! inaamin k na.. pakshet! oo na!
uhmm. no further comment.
- Fone Note: pr0xy.kilu.de
waahahaha... walang kwenta
- Fone Note: oh bummer! i do hate myself sometimes. hate u reg. hate u.
ay ewan ko ba!!!
- Fone Note: Chili's Bar n Grill 8672723
last days.


- Blog Draft: Isang pipi at Isang Bulag, humarap ako sa kanya, bulag. humarap ako sa salamin, pipi.
- Blog Draft: Singing my Heart Out, reminiscing old school songs. it's tearing up my heart feelin.. kanta tyo!
- Blog Draft: Kwentong Lasing, takte, pare! natatakot ako. pucha! pigilan mo ko. langya nman, ayoko n2.
- Blog Draft: Disturbia, do u know what ur doing? i don't. i don't know what im doing.

**Actually, madami pa. Again, no comment.


in a more serious note..
- i met a lot of friends. and i mean a lot. i just realized that i have more boy friends than girls and that started in college. good thing or bad? u can judge.
- i did a major career decision last May. left a 4yr relationship with my first job. i miss my friends there.... Ortigas. Shang. (specially the cinemas) Metrowalk.
- i found a new work place in Makati and it's been fun. gave me the time to do more on my social and biz life. this is the life! working smart not hard. :)
- i'v been in Chicago.
- i met a new inspiration with hmmm... mr. dark shades?!?! ;) a reason to smile ------ but that needed to end before the year ended (aawww, still workin on it though.. maybe a gud new year's resolution. uncrossing the line is hard work. haha! )
- i was able to help a lot at home financially and physically :D bought some coolness stuff for the house. planning to finish redecoration if not renovation this year.
- i saved ok.
- i enjoyed last year. i feel more matured, decisive and frank. more talented. haha! in short, its a new and improved me that hopefully will be continued this year. (ehem! ehem! pgbigyan nyo na ko. =p)



TO DOs...

2012: the backup plan

the plan is to have no plans
believe it or not i don't plan things
i learn the hard way to not trust on them
to never get my hopes too high
it may not seem right but it works for now
i know it's not easy
like skipping the good parts
it's sad
and i don't like it
but what can i do?
i'm only a co-writer in these plans
it took a lot of time for me to get here but im here
it's cheesy i know
but i have many plans for us, for you
plans are harder to let go than promises
and i still chose it
i have no backup plan.
so, you game for our first plan? ;)

2008: kwentong lasing

takte, pare. anong ibig sbhn nun? aminin mo nga skn. d k b naintndhn o ayoko lng intndhn? natatakot ata k pare.. o nppraning? pare, tama ata ako. madali ng maging mali pro mhrp mgng tama e. hinde tama ang tama ngaun e. malakas ang tama ng tama. gs2 kng mgng mali.

aaaaaaahhhhhh. oo na. oo na. nahulaan mo na cguro pare. kilala mo nman ako. siyet to. lam mo pasensya na pro sasabhn ko to. wag nman, pare. sinabi ko na syo. wag ngaun pare. wag. hinde gn2. hinde tama. hinde dpt. leche, ito na nman ata ko. pro pare d k mpgilan, pucha! ano ba to? langya nman ayoko ng gn2. pnsskt k ang ulo k. pnhhrpn k ang sarili k. pare, masukista ang tawag ata dun?

naiintndhn m b k? alam m ba kung anong sinasbi k? sabihin mo nga.. OA ba k? pano kung d gaya ng sine, ako ang pipi at sya ung bulag. anong ggwn k? pare, ano? .....ano?

(may not be a true story)

2008: isang pipi at isang bulag

masisisi mo ba ang bulag kung di nya nakikita ung pipi?
masisisi mo ba ang pipi kung wala sayang masabi sa bulag?

tama bang asahan nung pipi ang bulag?
tama bang asahan ng bulag ung pipi?

buti pa ang bulag, wala syang nakikita kaya wala syang alam, walang naiintidihan, walang paki-alam
di gaya ng pipi na alam ang lahat pro walang masabi at walang masabihan

masaya tignan ang pipi, mas normal
ngunit mas malungkot, mas mahirap
malungkot tignan ang bulag, kakaiba
ngunit mas masaya, mas walang kaba

ganun ang buhay
hinde perpekto
hinde paraiso

humarap ako sa kanya, may isang bulag
humarap ako sa salamin, may isang pipi

2013: i confess

ok fine. i admit it. i am lonely. i think i do a good job to not be. to push it away, set it aside... focus on work, other work, more work or movies, netflix, sometimes i travel.

but.. you know i’m only human. i can’t be all that strong. someday this feeling just gets the better of me and i cry and i cry some more. maybe because it seems that i can offload them and i’d feel better. 

i’m sorry if this is just sad. (offloading again) 

i’m sorry that up to this day i haven’t really been ok being alone. i know i’ve been doing it for a while and i don’t know why i’m failing right now. 

maybe i’m tired. maybe i’m angry. maybe i’m jealous. maybe i’m frustrated. or maybe i just don’t get why and i need to know why. so.. i can do something about it. 

because i feel i don’t deserve this feeling. and if im wrong and i do deserve it, i wanna know.  so i can move on to whatever is next. i don’t want to prolong this. 

2013: the dark right side

I am not an artist or a dancer on television. I'm not special. I am the vibration through your fingertips in clinking wine glasses. I am the reason you smile eighteen different smiles while counting the crayons in your box set. The reason you can yearn for something is because of me. I am the muse of you want to be - every penny you've ever thrown into a fountain is my body. I am swimming in the ocean for the first time and getting salt up your nose. I am stepping on abandoned snail shells and preferring the green lollipop over orange. I am the reason you fill a blank page with everything you've ever felt. I am the movements in your cheeks and thighs when you race down hills. I am why you are able to be excited on Christmas. Love Christmas. I am the reason why you want to travel to Italy and London and New York and Brazil. I am how you perceive the world. I try to do my part. I am not time. I am how you'll never have enough of. 

True.

baka hindi

antagal ko ng naghihintay

hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko pa kakayanin

parang walang katapusan

araw araw paulit ulit

parang walang dadating

niloloko ko lang ata ang sarili ko

akala ko may maiiba

parang nagaaksaya lang ako ng oras

kakapangarap sa bukas

ito na yun? ito na ba un?

mainipin lang ba ako?

sa tatlong dekada mahigit..

mainipin pa ba ako? 

wala ba akong ginawa?

kulang ba?

may mali ba?

ilang beses ako sumugal

ilang beses ako lumaban

ilang beses nasaktan

hindi ko maintindihan

hindi pa ba ako karapat-dapat?

ako naman

yung gusto ko naman

huli

Kung hindi rin lang ikaw ang dahilan
Pipilitin ba ang puso kong hindi na masaktan?
Kung hindi ikaw ay hindi na lang
Pipilitin pang umasa para sating dalawa

Giniginaw at hindi makagalaw
Nahihirapan ang pusong pinipilit ay ikaw

Kung di rin tayo sa huli
Aawatin ang sarili na umibig pang muli
Kung di rin tayo sa huli
Aawatin ba ang puso kong ibigin ka?

Kung hindi rin lang ikaw ang dahilan
Pipiliin bang umiwas nang hindi na masaktan?

Kung hindi ikaw ay sino pa ba?
Ang luluha sa umaga para sating dalawa

Bumibitaw dahil di makagalaw
Pinipigilan ba ang puso mong iba ang sinisigaw?

Kung di rin tayo sa huli
Aawatin ang sarili na umibig pang muli
Kung di rin tayo sa huli
Aawatin ba ang puso kong ibigin ka?

Naliligaw at malayo ang tanaw
Pinipigilan na ang pusong pinipilit ay ikaw

Kung di rin tayo sa huli
Aawatin ang sarili na makita kang muli
Kung di rin tayo sa huli
Aawatin ba ang puso kong ibigin ka?

(Kung di rin tayo sa huli)
Kaya bang umibig ng iba?
Aawatin ba ang puso kong ibigin ka?
(Kung di rin tayo sa huli)
Papayagan ba ng puso kong...
Aawatin ba ang puso kong ibigin ka?

Kung 'Di Rin Lang Ikaw
December Avenue

hate reasons

how about this?

i hate the fact that most of the questions you ask is about work or some project. some serious or geek topic you just thought of or maybe you wrote on your notebook and you can't seem to stop to think about. i don't know why you keep asking me those questions like i'm some kind of an assistant or a person who just enjoys only those topics and would give you the right answer.
     but then it also shows how you want it, how you work hard and push your idea. that's why i still keep on listening and answering your questions as much as i can. plus, you always come up with good ideas and i wanna cheer you anyway.

i hate the fact that out of the blue, you tell me things about you or what you did or ask my opinion on what you would do on a certain matter. like what i have to say counts and as if i'm part of those plans.
     but even if doesn't. even if i'm the last person you told or ask, i've always appreciate that you did. because i never ask or expected you would. it gave me the chance to get to know you more and somehow, made me make plans with you.

i hate the fact that you rarely text and if you do, it's more than an hour later if it's a reply. you used to send me messages more often. i know you're busy. yet there's a few times that you just keep on replying with nonsense and smileys.
     but you managed to make a message and honestly, that mattered.

i hate the fact that you always feel the need to call. do you know that we've talked in every possible landline i have? one time, you called me and woke me up.
     but maybe you just really wanted to talk. anyway, i like hearing your voice.

i hate the fact that i like talking to you. that to me, we always have a good unique conversation or over the text, phone, email or messenger. i hate that i don't need to think about what i would say to you and we could spend hours talking about anything that comes in mind and how easy we can make up some stories on the fly.
      but when we're not talking, i know i try to make every conversation i have with others to be more like ours.

i hate having you around before. it's a short time to compare to anyone. i get used to seeing you everyday. when we don't talk, i still get to see you on my way out. we get to have lunch or dinner. we get to walk together. bump into each other at the elevator. go on night outs. picture with friends. kulitan during short rides in the car. meetings. you were always there. sometimes, even if, not physically. on crisis. problems. on unexpected moments. you suddenly appear.  i know you stalk me sometimes, i saw you.  you really are weird. i think i get you. moments i didn't ask but thankful. moments that i hate coz they all stick. i hate having you around before.
      but, i wouldn't really mind to have you around again.

lastly, i hate the fact that i've always known that i'm happy when you're around. and that i miss you.  what could you have possibly done right.
      i'm not being honest if i say otherwise.

so, in general.. i hate the fact that it's obviously hard for me to hate you. therefore, i won't.
       but maybe i should love you a little less then maybe we can really be.. friends again.

is that the greatest gift or what?! happy birthday Sir! ;)

advance merry christmas, happy new year!

19-september-2013

dear lara jean

i totally get it. not that i will write or wrote those kind of letters (okay maybe another version of it and definitely not handwritten inside an envelope with address). anyway again, i get it.

i write about them too and as you can read, i also write to persons who i can relate to or maybe persons who validates me for being me. for being us.

i guess, i started like you. someone who gets scared when things get too real.. it’s a phase and like you, i got over it. i also learned to give in and feel all the feels when you feel it. it’s happy. and it always sound good to be told you’re not second best.

so... glad it all worked out for you. wish me to find my Peter? :)

kapit lang

dear universe

hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa araw na 'to. pero kanina ko pa gusto umiyak. feeling ko kailangan ko lang magbawas ng lungkot. ok naman ako. nakapagtrabaho naman ako. may ilang bagay lang akong tinatamad gawin pero in general tingin ko ok nman ako. distracted? oo. pero ok ako.

inamats ko kanina yung mga kanta sa isang palabas na pinapanuod ko. gusto ko talagang umiyak. hinanap ko yung mga kanta kahit na luma na tumatagos talaga pero wala. merong muntik na pero hindi tumuloy. runner-up. play ko on-repeat.

naligo. nagkape. binalikan ko ung mga paboritong kong "iyakan pelikula" pero ayaw. walang luha. hanggang sa naalala ko ung isa sa mga recent na pinanuod namin. magaling akong mgresearch kaya tada! nakita ko and tama ako. ito na yun. 10 mins na iyakan.

(sa upuan)

J:  Salamat!
C: Para sa?
J:  Alam mo yung ano? Yung pakiramamdam na tingin ka lang sa kawalan. Pero hindi mo alam yung dapat mong maramdaman? Hinahanap mo dun yung damdamin. Kasi alam mo na pag nahanap mo na yun. Dun manggaling lahat. Lahat ng kaya mong gawin. Lahat ng imposible magiging posible. Dumating ka Celeste. Salamat!
C: Saan nga?
J:  Kasi andito ka.
C: Tsk. Pina-iyak mo ko eh. Bakit ako umiiyak? Bat ako umiiyak? Sabi inom tayo eh. Bakit mo ko pina-iyak? I think we're drunk.

(sa kotse)

J: Alam mo pag matanda na ko. Yung uugod-ugod na. Tapos sana di pa ulyanin. Itong gabing to yung babalik-balikan ko. Tapos iisipin ko lang na.. Bakit kaya hindi kita, Bakit hindi kita nahalikan?
C: Gusto mo pa ko halikan? Nainlove ka na ba? Yung true love ha. Yung tipong hindi mo alam ung gagawin mo. Hindi mo alam kung ano yung nararamdaman mo. Tapos hindi ka makahinga, pag naiisip mo ung tao, babagsak yung tyan mo. Alam mo yun?
C: Tapos hindi mo alam kung anong kaya mong gawin kasi natatakot ka eh. Pero at the same time gusto mo gawin lahat. Kasi nga inlove ka. Naramdaman mo no ba yun? Ako ah gusto ko sana.. sa lifetime ko. Gusto ko mainlove ng ganun.

(huminto)
:-*
C: Sobrang perfect naman tong moment na to! Wag natin sirain to. Celeste and Jesse forever and ever. Taxi!

andaming dahilan bakit nakakaiyak tong eksena na to para skin. andami. nakaka-asar! may ilang eksena pa na susunod pero di gaya nito.

habang umiiyak ako. may nagtext. yung kaibigan ko, may good news sya sa buhay nya. di ko muna sya nireplyan kasi asa moment ako pero masaya nman ako para sa kanya. masaya nman ako lagi para sa mga kaibigan ko sa ganap ng buhay nila or actually kahit sa kanino na nakikita ko na nagiging masaya. yung mga talent show na nabibigyan ng golden buzzer, naiiyak ako dun. minsan alam mo na yun yung kailangan nila eh. yung moment na yun, kaya pag nakita mo na nakuha nila.. yung saya nagiging nakakaiyak. di ka makapaniwala. di mo mapaliwanag yung nararamdaman mong saya.. at alam mo sa moment na yun, wala ka ng hinahanap pa.

si Celeste and Jesse, walang happy ending. di ko gusto maging mag-isa sa nararating ko. hindi rin naman ako ngrereklamo. tao lang din, mas gusto ko ng may kasama, kung meron.

anyway... sabi ng text ng kaibigan ko: Reg, kapit lang.
sabi ko: Kelan tayo mag cecelebrate?

dear aya

Hello! Gusto ko lang sabihin sayo na ang galing mo! Alam mo tama ka.. minsan ang hirap mahalin lahat ng taong dapat mo mahalin. Magulang mo, kapatid mo, pamilya mo, mga kaibigan mo.. minsan nakakapagod. May trabaho ka pa.. wala na halos natitira sayo. Nakakapagod na minsan ang dali mo lang maiyak. Pero kakayanin mo.. kahit mag-isa ka. Game! 

Idol din kita eh.. parehas tyo. Parehas natin minahal yung taong sabi natin di natin mamahalin... pero sabi mo nga.. malaki na tyo alam na natin yung ginagawa natin kaya... sige okay lang. gaya ko... nasaktan ka. Ikaw, umalis. Ako, steady lang. umiwas. Ang tapang mo nung nagkita kayo ulit ni Sid. Maswerte ka nga inayos nya yung buhay nya, natagalan pero hinanap ka nya. At least.. nalaman mo. At least.. napasaya ka nya ulit. At least mahal ka din pala nya. 

Siguro dun tayo nagkaiba.. hindi ko nalaman kung ano kami. hindi ko nalaman kung anong naramdaman nya. hindi ko nalaman kung masaya ba sya pag magkausap kami. Siguro kasi hindi ko tlga tinanong or kasi inassume ko yung sagot. Kala ko enough ako para one day baka marealize nya ako yung kailangan nya. Tumaya ako. Tumaya tayo. Mas malaking taya yun kung hindi love.. d ba sabi mo? pero hindi eh... hindi si Sid si Christian. Natalo ko. 

Nakakabilib ka nung andyan na sya pero pinili mo pa rin yung iba mga taong dapat mong mahalin. Hindi ko alam kung anong iniisip mo nun.. tingin ko, hindi ko kaya yun. Feeling ko.. kung ako yun... deserve ko naman siguro maging masaya. Ako naman universe. Para skin naman. K! Thanks! Bye! Alam mo kasi Aya.. asa pelikula ka kasi. kahit pano binigyan ka pa rin ng happy ending ni direk. 

Sa totoong buhay.... kung ano mang pagkakataon na meron ka para sumaya.. sasamantalahin ko. kahit sandali lang. kahit saglit lang. Yun ang pagtaya sa love, kahit talo ka. Tataya ka. 

what do we do

G: so.. what do we do now that we've done the things we spent our entire life doing?
B: i guess, we do the next thing we'll spend our entire lifetime.

it is the ultimate question, isn't it?
what do we do?
what is the next thing?
because we gotta believe there's gotta be.

we gotta believe. just like the song. haha.
onward and upward.